Clearly I fail in the art of seduction.

Because no matter what, I always end up becoming their "friend", and never their girlfriend.





Fuck life, seriously. What the fuck is wrong with me?
How can I be too nice?
Okay next time some hot guy speaks to me, I'm going to be a total cold bitch, since I now know THAT is what gets them coming back for more.

How did I not pick this up earlier? How is it that it's taken me at least FOUR years of failed attempts... and I only learn this key mistake NOW?
Wow. At least I know now why NOTHING has worked out for me in that long time period.

You know you suck when at least 60% of your male friends are just former crushes that never worked out because they only saw you as a good friend, and they didn't want to ruin the friendship.

And at least 50% of those male friends had lead you on the entire time...

I know that feeling of rejection all too well. Your ribcage, empty, because your hearts fallen so deep into your intestines already. Your stomach, crawling out your throat, while your throat tries to push it back down by tightening up. All the while you break yourself down, critisising everything that represents who you are. Denying yourself. Wishing you were someone else. Wishing you could act differently. Wishing you looked prettier. Just because clearly the person you are right now, isn't the person that the one person you want.. wants you to be.

Then you build yourself up again over time. Then you meet someone else. You convince yourself, that they're different, they won't treat you the same, they MIGHT.. THEY JUST MIGHT.. OH I don't know? RETURN SOME FEELINGS?

Never.

It's always the fucking same.

And you fuckwit men wonder why girls are so cynical?

I should just become a man. Find a guy for a night, hook up with him, lead him on, then tell him you just never felt the same.

That would be awesome.. for that to not happen to me for once.

All you ask for is a chance, and they can't even promise you that. It really gets you doubting yourself as a person. Sure, my self esteem is usually through the roof.. I usually love myself and talk myself up so much.

But not right now. I wish I could be anyone in the world but me.
Maybe that way, there could have been a way we could be together.

Vodka slushies and time management, wasted.

Kyrrah's 18th was quite the party I must say :)
Double parking, multiple times.
Jumping castles and bucking bulls.
Slaying inflatable dragons.
Getting it on inside Shrek. LOL!
The Marshmellow Tree.
Drunk fuck zombie-esque people at 3am.
And who can forget... THE LEECHES!
Safe to say I was pretty gone that night.. I don't even remember half the shit I did. Can't say I do want to remember it either.

My intrasession break for uni is coming up, thank god. I need a holiday, even if it's only for a week.

Started planning my 18th :) Te-te-terrigal!
And of course, hitting up Trash :)
And dindinz. Gotta have dindinz.

Past few weeks have been a pretty weird, but big shake up for me..
Emotionally, I don't know what to feel.
Physically? Is it safe to say, I want you so bad.
But now what? Where do I stand? At the moment I don't feel like I'm standing at all. Just like all the others before you.

I hate when my head and heart are at a conflict, which is pretty much most the time -_-

There's even conflict in some friendship groups.. which I am so not going into, at the risk of being dragged into it.

Who thought 2010 would be just like every other fucking year? Chasing after guys who aren't even keen, fights, back stabbing, and the struggle to stay neutral in the midst of everything.

I wish we could all grow the fuck up already.