Blogspot is clearly dead. Tumblr is where I'm at.

http://youngbloooods.tumblr.com

If you want to keep up. :)

Clearly I fail in the art of seduction.

Because no matter what, I always end up becoming their "friend", and never their girlfriend.





Fuck life, seriously. What the fuck is wrong with me?
How can I be too nice?
Okay next time some hot guy speaks to me, I'm going to be a total cold bitch, since I now know THAT is what gets them coming back for more.

How did I not pick this up earlier? How is it that it's taken me at least FOUR years of failed attempts... and I only learn this key mistake NOW?
Wow. At least I know now why NOTHING has worked out for me in that long time period.

You know you suck when at least 60% of your male friends are just former crushes that never worked out because they only saw you as a good friend, and they didn't want to ruin the friendship.

And at least 50% of those male friends had lead you on the entire time...

I know that feeling of rejection all too well. Your ribcage, empty, because your hearts fallen so deep into your intestines already. Your stomach, crawling out your throat, while your throat tries to push it back down by tightening up. All the while you break yourself down, critisising everything that represents who you are. Denying yourself. Wishing you were someone else. Wishing you could act differently. Wishing you looked prettier. Just because clearly the person you are right now, isn't the person that the one person you want.. wants you to be.

Then you build yourself up again over time. Then you meet someone else. You convince yourself, that they're different, they won't treat you the same, they MIGHT.. THEY JUST MIGHT.. OH I don't know? RETURN SOME FEELINGS?

Never.

It's always the fucking same.

And you fuckwit men wonder why girls are so cynical?

I should just become a man. Find a guy for a night, hook up with him, lead him on, then tell him you just never felt the same.

That would be awesome.. for that to not happen to me for once.

All you ask for is a chance, and they can't even promise you that. It really gets you doubting yourself as a person. Sure, my self esteem is usually through the roof.. I usually love myself and talk myself up so much.

But not right now. I wish I could be anyone in the world but me.
Maybe that way, there could have been a way we could be together.

Vodka slushies and time management, wasted.

Kyrrah's 18th was quite the party I must say :)
Double parking, multiple times.
Jumping castles and bucking bulls.
Slaying inflatable dragons.
Getting it on inside Shrek. LOL!
The Marshmellow Tree.
Drunk fuck zombie-esque people at 3am.
And who can forget... THE LEECHES!
Safe to say I was pretty gone that night.. I don't even remember half the shit I did. Can't say I do want to remember it either.

My intrasession break for uni is coming up, thank god. I need a holiday, even if it's only for a week.

Started planning my 18th :) Te-te-terrigal!
And of course, hitting up Trash :)
And dindinz. Gotta have dindinz.

Past few weeks have been a pretty weird, but big shake up for me..
Emotionally, I don't know what to feel.
Physically? Is it safe to say, I want you so bad.
But now what? Where do I stand? At the moment I don't feel like I'm standing at all. Just like all the others before you.

I hate when my head and heart are at a conflict, which is pretty much most the time -_-

There's even conflict in some friendship groups.. which I am so not going into, at the risk of being dragged into it.

Who thought 2010 would be just like every other fucking year? Chasing after guys who aren't even keen, fights, back stabbing, and the struggle to stay neutral in the midst of everything.

I wish we could all grow the fuck up already.

Claws up.

I'm not really stuffed for a massive update blog, but if that's what it turns into, then don't call me a hypocrite kay thanks?

It's the 4th week of Uni starting tomorrow, and I've got 5 journals due in a week. I've only done one. Okay I should start getting stuck into my work hey? lol.
I've also got a group assignment which well.. I haven't even looked at. And the others in my group keep asking me what I think of so and so research and I just feel so bad cos I haven't done anything.. okay that's it I'll start soon. :)

17th March, after like 6 months of waiting, I went to Lady Gaga :) It was simply awesome.
Her stage presence was awesome, her props were awesome, her voice was awesome.. to top it all off, I was right at the barrier.
Awesome, awesome night.

Lost a mate in the past few weeks that I can honestly say I thought was one of the people who would stick around for a while. But hey, times like these help you realise who your real friends are..
Basically this person so desperately tried avoiding a party, and didn't give me a definite answer if he wanted to go or not. Why does that concern me? I offered to pick him up. But this person in question has a tendancy of changing their mind on whether they wanna go out or not, when their ride rocks up at his door.. so anyway, he gave me no answer on whether he wanted to go or not, just said he was going to bed :S I took that as a no. So off I go.
Next morning he deletes me off Facebook and calls me a dog.
What?
I thought a friend like he would at least wanna hear me out.. but I guess his immature side which I would just chuckle at when he whinged about people.. came out on me.
Oh well. Bl to you.

You win some, you loose some right?
And win some I have.
:)

Anyway I can't think of anything more.
Kyrrah's party next week, cannot wait to get my drink on :)
Plus mum shall be in woop woop.. contemplating having some people over for a few drinks.. but we'll see aye :)

xo

I'll hide you away from the world you rejected.

Woah. What a week.
Had my first week of Uni, and boy I must say... SOOO MUCH BETTER THAN HIGH SCHOOL!!

Monday and Tuesday was my first days of my Communications course.
Met so many sick people, hung with Jen alot.. ahh it was lovely :)
The lattes from Werrington South campus are simply divine <3
I actually find Communications heaps interesting.. didn't think I would, but I love being proven wrong :)

Then the next two days was my first days of LAW!
Wednesday was quite interesting, watched a movie, and my lecturer is a sick bitch :)
Lecture wise, Thursday was boring. HOWEVER, everything else made that day bearable!
Chills with Denita and her new course buddy Suzana, then chills with Ninorta and another course buddy of theirs.. saw so many Freeman people it wasn't funny. Can't say I was excited to see them though.. lol.
Oh and that bus ride to Parra station.. boy that was interesting :) HAHA!

Oh and may I add I already have an assignment? ....................... meh. LOOOOOOOOL!

Tonight was the Nelson Faul benefit gig. Was quite a sick show to be honest, haven't had a good gig in a while :) Pray for Death really shined tonight, he would have been so proud. Good to catch up with everybody that I haven't seen in agesssss, truly everyone went to the show. The turnout was sick, and it was all for you Nelson :) You would have loved it.

HOWEVER I missed out on Northlane NO THANKS TO MATTHEW DRAGOSLAV ENDYCOTT :@ :@ :@
So this bitch is like "I'm on my break at 10 come and hang out" AND COS I'M SUCH A NICE FRIEND AND I HAVEN'T REALLY PROPERLY SAT DOWN AND CHILLED WITH HIM IN SO LONG AND I MISSED THOSE CHILLS JUST A WEE LITTLE BIT, I sacrificed seeing NORTH - FUCKING - LANE <3 <3 <3 just to see him. Well, I made sure I didn't leave without an EP :) Listening to it right now.

Anyway got to GV Maccas REALLY FUCKING FAST, seeing as the gig was in St Marys. Waited for half an hour. Yep. I did. Went on Facebook kudos to free wifi, and Joanna was bored. So I went to pick her up. We hit the drive thru, and Endy the bitch didn't even know I was already waiting for half an hour -_- "I just got off a 50 minute break!!"

*Pause for dramatic effect*

I need not go on. You will all know I was raging it by now.

Went in and said hello to the bitch and to Jessss :) Ricky joined us later on, and was going on about how he jizzed when he heard Northlane play. Ohhh that's the general effect Northlane can have on us.. and I'm not just talking about the music either ;) Oooo baby, Gligliglig will know what I'm on about YEAH BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ;)

So chilled there a bit, then off we went home. Which is where I am now. I'm tired, but I can't fall asleep, it's just too hot to fall asleep. Waiting for Endy to call me back, he so won't, but eh. I think typing this blog has made me a tad more sleepier, I'm going to try my luck in going to bed again..

.. But not before I finish listening to Northlane's EP for the 34392389 time tonight.

Four months of freedom, over.

What a four months this has been too.
Filled with messy nights, random nights, those TWK nights, and everything else that fits in between (:
As these holidays wrap up and Uni commences tomorrow.. I shall now reflect on what has been the best holidays I've had (:

No matter where we were and what we were doing; getting on the piss on the streets of Terrigal, surviving 'gun threats' in Green Valley, taking penalty drinks, having dinner at Savannas or Rashays or Olivetos, spending the rest of our nights at McDonalds, coffee runs, up in the 3-0-7 at the hotel motel FORMULA 1!, car raves, late night raves in general, accumulating WAAAY TOO MUCH GROG BOTTLES, playing drinking games to Jerry Springer, setting off fireworks, Jupiters sessions, gigs (including fail gigs), late night drunken Maccas runs, burnouts resulting in damaged vehicles and poles, SPONTANEOUS ADVENTURES (in particular, one that only Matt will understand), parties and shindigs, double parking and spewy champs... and so much freakin more, we ALWAYS managed to forget any troubles we may have had and make those nights the best <3

So heres to everyone. TWK; James, Bronte, Ricky, Alex, Endy and Cayla.. fuck yous are wankers.. what more can I say? LOL

THEM DIRTY DIRTY ASSYRIAN BITCHES, Benita and Denita.. don't think the chocolate room will ever recover after I've been there... bahaha!

JON, JESS, SARAH, BRITT AND JOSH! The regulars for those two weeks, yous sure knew how to throw partays! And to Josh.. YOU KNEW HOW TO COOK :D

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE JUST AS AWESOME WHICH IS WAAAY TOO MANY TO MENTION, thanks for making these holidays SWEEEET AS =)

I think a special mention needs to go out to Matt.. More than half of my holidays was spent with you and I'm surprised I survived it without going insane LOLZZZZZZZZZZ =D

I'm off to bed now D: Wish me luck for my FIRST DAY AT UNI :O
xo

Seventeen and dumb, look at me, I know right from wrong.

I'm so sick of teenagers.

Well okay so I can't really talk.. seeing as I myself still am a teenager, but whatever. I'll rephrase it. I'm so sick of SOME teenagers. Happy now children?

First and foremost, I am so sick of the teenagers who think they're in love. Oh my gosh, let me be quite frank, you're not. You do not love your hunnybums, your schnookums, your babycakes, your 'sm3xxiii b0ii', your fucking shined up turd you obsess over. Wait what? Oh I'm sorry, are you going to start saying how I'm just jealous that I have nobody to love and that I'm lonely? YEAH YOU HEARD ME, I have once had THAT exact line used against me. Right you are, I'm totes jealous that I'm not a lovesick zombie who only thinks of my boyfriend, I'm totes depressed because I'm not whipped.. and I TOTES wish I could have a boyfriend so I can FINALLY rub it in my friends faces by dogging them and saying stuff like "You're just jealous you have nobody." Wow looks like I'm missing out on SOOO much. God if I really wanted some action, I'd get myself a boy toy, but has the thought ever crossed your thick head that maybe SOME PEOPLE HAVE BETTER PRIORITIES, such as, oh I don't know? University? Getting a awesome degree, ending up earning a fuckload of money, having men by the dozens swarm after me? Good priorities are those that ensure a good future in the long run, and your priorities? Sorry, but I don't think your boyfriend/girlfriend will be a good long term investment. Enjoy your failed life, single at 40, because all you cared about in your teenage years was a girlfriend/boyfriend. The thought of all this makes me laugh :)

Subcultures and such are a fundamental part of your teenage years, no doubt. But why the fuck would somebody be so stupid as to one day wake up, and decide they want to wear a Dri-Fit, Adidas trackies and some fail bumbag? WHY? Why do little fourteen year old shits start swarming to the T-Way, sitting there and taking mad gangsta pics on the staircases? What the fuck is so great about that? LEK SHU CUZZY CHECK OUT MY DP ESHAYZ I RUN THE T-WAY ERA. And on that note, why talk like that for? You give the Assyrian/Lebanese/Arab languages in general a bad name, it's even funnier when Aussies talk like that. Oh and by the way, I've had so many of these lad cunts come up to me for a 'spare durry', and I always tell them to fuck off, even if I do happen to be carrying a deck on me. I think the thing that is worst than lads.. are those ganga ladettes. The ones that sit down on a bench and infect it with herpes. The sad thing is, these girls are usually like 15 or 16.. and always go for the older boys. "LEK SHUU BABY I ROOT COME FUCK ME COS I'M A LOWIE BITCH." Then when they get fucked over, they wonder why... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY EFFING GOSH, you have to be kidding me yeah? "OMGGGG he called me a slut, I'm not a sluttt!! Just because I slept with all his mates it doesn't mean I'm a sluttt!! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT TO MEEEE" .. honey, you answered your own question.

I hate the bludgers. Those people who drop out of school and end up doing NOTHING. It's one thing to drop out and go straight into an apprenticeship, a job, or TAFE. That's actually going somewhere with your life. It's a totally different thing to drop out and end up staying at home doing nothing with your life. "OMG I fucking hate school" *drops out* "OMG I fucking don't wanna work, I'm gunna stay at home" ????????????????? WHYYY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!?! The sad thing is, it's usually the emos that end up falling into this bludger category. They hate school because they get teased, so they drop out so they can finally express their awesome individuality with their other emo fuckwits who either skip school or just don't bother. Has anyone noticed how TAFE is full of emos? Once ONE in a group starts going to TAFE, being the sheep they are, decide they will now all go to TAFE so that they can be awesome there, and start complaining about how shit it is. Sometimes I wish they would take their death wishes seriously.

Sluts. Fucking hell they're the scum of the Earth. I don't even need to elaborate, everybody knows this.

Why do teenagers have to be such retards?

Distance.

Literally, distance can make or break the beginning of something wonderful.
Figuratively, distance is a disease which slowly attacks and destroys something wonderful.
The disease can strike any relationship type, friendship or courtship.
Distance is an obstacle which can be conquered, though it's safe to say, it isn't an easy task.
It takes hard work for distance to be conquered, though if one side slacks off on their work load, then the disease remains.
It can work the opposite way though. Distance can give strength, grow love and admiration, for there is that cliche "absence makes the heart grow fonder".
It's undeniable the ecstatic feeling which possess you when your eyes gaze upon the figure of somebody you haven't seen in so long.
Even better when you have them in your arms.
The feeling remains during the time you spend with them, and only them, catching up on all things that have occured since the last time you met.
Departure brings about bitter sweet emotions, you're thankful for the time spent with them, however you wished you could spend just one more minute together, and face the reality that distance is about to strike yet again.
So when the double-edge sword that is distance seems to be looming upon something wonderful, do you become scared?
Naturally.
Do you let this fear come between you?
Absolutely not.
Take it in your stride, after all, distance can physically seperate, but it can never severe the emotional connections.

"That's it. I'm turning on the luda kuja."

Oh no... NO.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

This can sum up the night that was the 16th/17th (although according to Mounties THE SIXTEENTH! BL2RICKS) =D

Well it all started with my usual mission to GV. Fuck I cannot wait for Matty to be fixed, which is reasonably soon if all goes to plan <3 I hate missions. But anyways, got picked up from good old Busby a.k.a 'Booooooooooz-bi' t-way by Endy and Jesssss (:
And off we went to look up some HOUSINGGGG! Woot. So here we are, trolling the net for some suitable places.. of course adding in our own commentary..
"IT HAS AN INTERNAL LAUNDRY! YAAAAALLAAAAH"
"Carport? FUCK THAT!"
(my personal favourite) "Spanish style? TACO NIGHT IS EVERY NIGHTTTT! .... oh wait, that's Mexican"
"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG IT HAS A DISHWASHER, LET'S THROW PARTIESSSSSSSSS"
So anyway once our wide search was finally narrowed down to two apartment blocks in good ol' Livo, it was my turn to call up and make the enquiries.. why me? -_- lol.
Agent: Could I get your name?
Ivana: Uh.. uhh.. Matthew... Endycott.. yeah I'm not really him, I'm a her, I'm calling for him..
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA awk-warrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.
Anyway couldn't get a viewing for that day.. so what do we do? Take a nice drive down to have a look ourselves. Funny thing is, the website didn't give the address.. so it was a bitch to wing it.. but we winged it (:

So after all that, we went up to Maccas/Valley Plaza for a bit, to eat and what not. Oh yes, and buy Ricky's card. For you see... in about 6 hours was his birthday :D Anyway I got him a HALLMARK card since I knew he would appreciate that over some "crappy two dollar shop" one. After Endy added his personal touches to it, it was truly a memorable and special card :) An example? Changing stuff like "you're mature" and shit about loads to "you're not mature and you like to blow your load" teeeeeheeeeeee.
"Unga ooaga booga boo.. translation: happy birthday" haha :)
Signed, your favourite caveman, Ivana, and Matthew Drago*crosses out*Faggotslav End*crosses out*ycott-lesscock. teeeeeeheeeeeeeee.
AND LET ME TELL YOU, RICKY WAS FUCKING LOADED FROM THAT ONE CARD. MMMMHMMMM *z-snap*

So after all that, twas now me, Joanna, Benita, Jess and Endy.. and off we went to see Bree's baby boy :) Tye is ADORRRRRRRRRRRRRABLE. Cue all the girls cooing at the bub and awww-ing and getting all girly.. and cue poor Endy looking awkward BAAAAAAAAAAAH. Stayed at hers for a bit just catching up and stuff, while cooing at the little bub of course ;) Met the funniest chick there.. forgot her name, but apparently she knew me and Benita from somewhere before? Benita just looked at me for help and I'm like "DO YOU THINK I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYONE THAT I MAY HAVE MET?!?!?!" answer: YOU ALWAYS DO!!!! haha.

Endy then got called into work. POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

But by then Ricky came out! We just chilled at Maccas.. like.. it was so bad, we were totes real Maccas junkies. We stayed there from the time Endy started to the time he finishes.. totes derro. BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT. We had reason.

James and Bronte and Bianca joined us, Benita and Jess had to leave.. but no matter, we we're able to witness.. the first time Ricky could legally buy his own smokes. Oh my goodness.. this was a marvel.

So we walked out of Maccas at like.. ten minutes to twelve, and walked over to Quix.
Waited a bit.. then Ricky went for it. Told the cashier it was his birthday, full got out ALL his cards with his birth date on it (just because he thinks he looks so young that people will think his license is a fakie) farkkk we all pissed ourselves. Even Endy stopped being a drive thru Nazi just to watch from the window! The cashier was like laughing and shit and was like "oh you still have two minutes." So we waited..

And waited..

Till finally, cashier shakes Ricky's hand, tells him a Happy Birthday, and Ricky finally purchases his first legal deck.. of course being, MARLBORO REDSSSSSSSS (Y)
Thank fuck that you will NEVER have to make me buy them for you.. EVEN THOUGH I'M YOUNGER THAN YOU! "Sorry Ivana it's just that you look the oldest out of all of us!!!!"

Waited around Maccas a bit, in the meantime nicely filled up Endy's tank, went on Red Bull runs.. When James and Ricky decided to go to Mounties. So leaving the underagers behind, me and Joanna just stayed outside Maccas for the twenty or so minutes until Endy finished work.

So anyhoos the man himself calls me up.. from inside the store -_- idiot lol. And is like "Can't you just crash at mine? I ceebz driving you home and I wanna go mountiesssssss!!!!" after a long period of convo where I was convincing him he could make it to mounties.. it happened. "I'm turning on the luda kuja" OH FOR FUCK SAKE! YOU DRIVE LIKE A RETARD PERIOD, DO YOU THINK I'LL LIKE IT WHEN YOU'RE ACTUALLY TRYING TO BE A FUCKWIT P PLATER?!?!?! LOLOLOL ;D I almost died while he was dropping Joanna home.. hahaha.

About to turn onto Cowpasture.. when Ricky rings up.
He informed us that he got rejected from Mounties, because they were technically still trading under the 16th of Feb, not rolling over into the 17th post midnight, so that in their eyes.. he was still underage. LOLLLLLLLLFAILLLLLLLL!! So we waited for them up at Quix, and started on our road trip to the croft.
Yeah so we may have had a few stops here and there.. drag racing on Cowpasture..
"OHHH FUCKKK MY OVER DRIVE IS ON FFS!"
Hanging out of Endy's window..
"GO EAT A FUCKING PIZZA YOU I-TIE!"
Song remixes..
"I'm at Eastern Creek dumps BITCHHHHHHHHHH!"
Driving on the wrong side of the road...
"Ohhh FUCKKK IS THAT A COP?!?!?!?!?! Oh thank God it's not."

But this one.. takes the (birthday) cake.

Eastern Creek is a world renowned.. well at least Sydney renowned.. spot for prostitution. It was my genius idea to take a small detour through the industrial area in order to get Ricky some 'action' for his birthday ;D BAHAHAHAHA!
So here we are.. hunting prostitutes.. about to give up to be honest when WHAAAM! I found one! Endy slams the breaks, Ricky slams the breaks, CUE ME AND JAMES YELLING SHIT!
"HEYYYY BABYYYYYYYY, HOW MUCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
We chuck a u-ie, and I had a mad idea to yell out "WHEN I GROW UP, I WANNA BE JUST LIKE YOUUUUUUUUUU!"
When all I see.. is a guy come out of a van.. about to THROW something at the car.. I'm so glad Endy has eyes, and a heavy foot.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" *floors it*
However I wish I could say the same for the fuckwits James and Ricky! THEY CARRIED ON AT THE SPEED LIMIT.. DUDE.. THE GUY HAD A BRICK! It was a fucking brick. When the coast was clear, we stopped and told them what happened. They had completely no idea, however, the prostie did yell out to Ricky and James that "I GOT YA FACKEN NUMBA PLATES IM GANNA CALL DA FACKEN COPS" *derro voice* Yeah honey, good luck with that, I hope the cops don't laugh too hard at you :)

That MAY HAVE been a 'Great PIMP DADDY Escape'.
We got to my house, and fucking laughed our asses off at the fact that we pissed off a pimp daddy!
Sat outside on my driveway for about twenty minutes, just reminiscing on the Livo days.. and the emo days and what not. Also about 'connections' and such and such. It got to about 2.30am, and I was already waaaay past my bedtime, as I had to be up at 7 in the morning, and the boys got tired too. So we called it a night.. and what a night it was.

So happy birthday Rickson, hope you enjoyed your almost pimp daddy escape <3

Short rant.

I swear, if I hear/see one more person claiming they're 'in love' with somebody after a few days into a relationship.. oh my goodness I am going to shank them.

Seriously children, what the fuck is wrong with you? You may 'like' them, you definitely 'lust' over them.. don't get it mixed up with 'love', because it most definitely is not.

And since when were relationships at this age taken so gosh darn seriously? For fuck sake, thirteen or fourteen year olds treat their relationships as if they're going to be married one day. Buddy, you and your 'significant other' will not last 6 months, let alone 10 years. Stop trying to force yourself to grow up, it's simply stupid.

I mean, who the fuck would even want the responsibility of a 'serious' relationship at such ages? I'm almost fucking eighteen, and as much as a relationship sounds good right now, I still prefer being single.
Although when university starts I'm sure I'll be meeting many suitors ;)

But seriously, what the fuck? And your relationship 'problems', aren't even real problems. "Lykk omgshhh mai bee eff is such a basterd!!11! he waz full lookin at sum otha chik11!!1!!!!1" JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! go fucking play with some Bratz dolls.

God if I were your parents, I would be giving you all a big, hard slap on the face.

End rant, I'm off to work bitches :)

On the corner of First and Amistad.

when thoughts aren't said, wordboner speaks my mind. <3

This is dedicated to Mr Daniel Bosnjak.

Today is Valentines Day, and Bozz wrote me a poem. Oh such a romantic he is.

Daniel Bosnjak
Baby don't you care,
why you gotta go an treat me so unfair
Ivana why can't we just get along
i think that you got me all wrong.

I lol'd.

Daniel Bosnjak
I'll probably see that in your blog.
"Today is valentines day, and bozz wrote me a poem ♥ "

I lol'd, then decided to actually write a blog.

So Bozz, here is my reply.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Bozz fails at winning me over,
And that is true! :)

A pact for a new beginning.

A pact to keep this pact.

_______________________________________________


There, there must be
An easier way
To release these feelings
So, so far from home
I need your voice
To hold my head together
So, so far from home
I need your voice
To lift my lonely state of mind
You, you can but wait
for me to return
For me to show you how I felt
These wounds have bled
And pages fly by
I need to feel you right by my side
So, so far from home
I need your voice
To hold my head together
So, So far from home
I need your voice
To lift my lonely state of mind
Oh there must be
An easier way
Oh there must be
An easier way
Oh there must be
An easier way
To release these feelings
As the sea breeze hits my lungs
It takes me back to where I belong
To where I belong.

Stop ta-ta-talking that blah blah blah.

Life is shaping upppp :)

I'm so psyched about uni it's not funny. Orientation is on the 22nd, and to my surprise, Nessim told me about a law camp which is part of the law campus' orientation :) It's at none other than.. KIAH RIDGE, TAHMOOR! (cue Year 12 Retreat memories), and both Parramatta and Campbelltown first year law students are invited to attend (: Nessim convinced me to go, and I convinced Nadia to go, and I'm sure I'm going to meet many fascinating people who will shape up to be my brand new classmates :D So Parramatta orientation on the 22nd, followed by the one night camp on the 23rd, followed by the Penrith orientation on the 25th (I think).

Two weeks of constant partying has just been wrapped up too. While Jess' parents were on holiday, the house became ours :) Although I don't fancy sleeping on a small couch, and having Endy smash on the side of the couch and hit me multiple times just to wake me up (I'm a heavy sleeper haha), it was all part of the fun :)

A day hanging with Denita to help her out with her UWS enrollment, when I got a phone call from Mrs Parker.. yep.. my old Retail teacher! LOLOL! She invited me back to Freeman for the HSC assembly and to talk to the present Year 12 about the high points and low points of Year 12. Ironically enough, half an hour before that phone call, I was telling Denita about how our school does that, but they always get the high 90's ATAR students to come back so they can brag about their score and what uni course they got into. So you can imagine my shock as to her calling me HAHA! But then again, she loved me, and knows I'm a very err.. competant speaker.. hahaha.. and won't run out of advice LOLLLL.

Blacktown gig and Parkway Drive! :) Fun fun fun. Me and Jessman are OBSESSED with the singer from Northlane.. <3 <3 <3 he is FUCKING GORGEOUSSS! But apparently a whore :( Oh how I hate that EVERY boy in the 'scene' is such a whore! Before every Parkway gig I've been to, I've had something unfortunate happen to me.
June 08: Heartbreak
Dec 08: Heartbreak take two
March 09: Heartbreak take three (....lol)
and now.. Jan 10...
Well. First of all, I got into a bit of an argument with Endy. No biggie, I thought, we always have our moments, but we get over it.
If only that was the only problem.
Hop into the madre's car, and what do you know? Me being the idiot I am, forgot my brother was over and had parked right behind her.
Yeah, I smashed into his car.
Cue a screaming wog, a man who's pride and joy had just been dinted, and a sobbing seventeen year old sister. Wasn't a pretty sight. LOL
They basically made me wait like half an hour for me to 'calm down', it was either that or I don't go at all. I was late, but Benita had a good position in line. Right at front. What do you know? I rock up, 5 mins later the security guard tells Benita she pushed in and told us to go to the back. Cue us arguing with the fuckwit security guard, and almost getting kicked out LOLOL! He's so fucked, she was there the whole time! If anything, he should've told me off, not her LOLOL
But still, Parkway was awesome the 4th time around :)

The trip to Wollongong :) Bahahaha, such a random night. In true Endy and I fashion, we tagged along with James and Bronte to Wollongong as they were meeting up with a friend, for a random night of.. randomness. Cue James taking us the LONGEST FUCKING WAY to Wollongong, Endy trying to race asshole truckies :@ :@ omg I hate truckies! This one truckie was a mad fuckwit, wouldn't let us merge, put his high beams on when Endy finally merged :@ Garggghhh! James' brake lights weren't working.. that was bad =\ LOLOL. Anyway, finally got into Wollongong, and I mad winged it with the directions to Maccas and the beach, only because the Maccas xmas party was there and I could vaguely remember the route the bus took :) bahaha I'm awesome! Got Maccas, said thanks to Whitney the order taker, and got to the next window. The presenter was a mad ganga, had all the buttons of her uniform not done up. I yelled out "UNDO ANOTHER BUTTON YA SLUT" as Endy drove off bahahaha! Mad head explosions followed that as eating.. let us not go there LMFAOOOOO! James and Bronte plus friend WHOS NAME I FORGOT SHITTT finally rock up, and we head off to the beach. Take a walk, try to avoid Endy's piss, which I almost pushed James into during my state of OMGOMGOMGWHEREISITFUCKOFF*runs* LOL! Being derros at the dock, chasing after seagulls caveman styles.. pants fall down.. Bronte meanwhile was recording all this.. LMFAO. Yep. Anyone seen my dignity? It seems I have misplaced it =\ LOLOLOL
The drive home. This time, we were going to go the quick way! ... we just didn't know how to get to it LOLOL! Winged it again..
Endy: The sign says Sydney left and Campbelltown straight.. WHERE DO I GO?!?!?!?!
Ivana: JUST GO CAMPBELLTOWN!
So here goes nothing.. CAMPBELLTOWN WAAAAAY :| we're like.. shitting bricks LMAO
*road sign says Appin Road* "FUCKYESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"
Winged itttttttttttttt! Schweeeeeeet (:

It's been raining :D YAYY! I love rain (:
I need to buy me a few things..
1. A 2010 diary. A pretty one though, not those ugly black ones.
2. A new big bag. My black one is getting worse for wear. I want a big, floral one, even if Zomaya hates it bwahaha!
3. A notebook. Hey, a uni student deserves a new laptop aye?
4. A matching hard case for that notebook.
5. Earrings. I've either broken or misplaced my favs. :(
6. A pretty umbrella to fit into my big bag, and preferably to match, although I'm not too fussed :)

While at Officeworks, Jess was like "Naww with Ivana starting uni soon she won't have time for us anymore, these hang outs won't happen" :( THANKS DUDE, MADE ME ALL SAD AND SHIT LOLOLOL! I'll always have time for everyone on the weekends ;) I can't wait until I'm 18!!!! :D Clubbinggggggg.

Been applying for jobs here and there, pretty much whatever I can find at the shopping centres or on seek. No luck though :( Nobody wants me :(

Can't wait for these coming weeks. Joanna is turning 18, consequently having a party :) Ricky will be 18 too.. dunno what he's doing though LOLOL! A memorial gig for Nelson on the 6th of March at St Marys too.. with none other than NORTHLANE playing omgomgomg hahaha me and Jessman are so happy! Dunno who else is playing though, probably all mad bands :) haha.
Lady GaGa is fast approaching too.. I cannot wait :D It will be an awesome night.

I think that is all for my mass update of a blog :) Toodaloo mofos.

Hello, hello baby you called, I can't hear a thing..

Funny how so much can change in the course of a week..

Not only is my freedom drastically restricted because my mother thinks I'm an alcoholic, but it appears some of my 'friends' can't find the time and place for me anymore, like I would for them.

So what does this mean?
This means I have to resort to lying, a thing I much prefer not to do. For you see, my psycho wog mother believes a few of my friends are alcoholics and therefore tries to stop me from talking to them or seeing them. So if I want to see them, I either have to lie about it or wait until she's in 1, 2 WOOP WOOP! so I can go see them. However downside to woop woop, is that she takes her car -_-" meaning I must resort to public transport. Further downside, it costs a fortune. $1.60 to Blacktown station, $2.00 to Parramatta, $2.50 to Stockies/Bonnyrigg/Busby/Hincho. And that is only one way. It may not seem like much, but add up all the frequent trips I do and yeah.. it's a bit much aye?

So when I do make the time to come down, and when people throw this back in my face with reasons such as 'falling asleep', it really hurts me. Then when I find out they bother to make the time and day for other people, well, let's just say I'm hurt even more.

Yeah, I'm not a happy chap of lately aye?

Well Friday was a good day. Cabra for Alex's piercings, then Jupiters cafe for a smoke seshhhh :) Finally tried argilleh, and well, it's alright.. just mango did NOT taste like mango it was kinda minty :|
Kinda killed my mood when I had to go home when I was planning on seeing somebody I didn't see much of all week..
Got home and was sent into a depressive spiral, of course nobody bothered to check up on me so thanks guys, I love you all. Not.

Yeah if you expected a nice blog about all the happenings in my life, just close the page, you're not going to get one.

So because lately I haven't really been in my usual mood, which is psycho hyper to the point where everyone is sick of me, people ask me what's up, and what do I tell them? Nothing. That's right, nada. I've learnt from my past mistakes of opening up to people, so I've decided not to. I've got commitment issues in terms of opening up. The only person I would want to open up to, I don't want to because I can just see it backfiring on me somehow..

I think I've had enough of this boring post, I'm gunna make me some parmi then get ready and wait for Zac to come here (:

xoxo, Ivana.

"HOW MUCH VODKA DO YOU WANNA PUT IN THAT, YOU PIJANA KURVA!!"

This week is going to go down as one big blur of excessive drinking, and the repercussions and shenenigans that follow it.

And because I honestly CANNOT be bothered for detail, I shall summarise this week in dot points :) Haven't done this since school! WOW! :D

- Too. Much. Alcohol. So much vodka. Pretty much well smashed.
- James getting smashed in like 5 minutes, WEAK SHIT LMFAO.
- So many fucking cuts and bruises, on my legs and feet and knees and shit. WTF?
- Me and Benita getting hungry, raiding Endy's pantry, finding Nutella, commenting on how at every single pissup we eat peoples Nutella LMAO!
- Lying on the kitchen floor to eat the Nutella so Endy doesn't find us. He finds us on the floor, we just stare up with sporks in our mouth and he's like "wtf..." LMAO
- Ricky pushing James into the pool when he was extremely intoxicated. James struggling, and all Ricky does is laugh LOL
- As a result of all those bombs Ricky, Alex and Kyle were doing, Endy's pool got to an extremely low level. BAHAHA
- Busted pool toys, loose tiles, waiting two hours for a spa to heat up (Y)
- Endy: Hey dad I woke up early and wouldn't mind going in the spa before work, I can't get it to work though.... oh is that how you do it? Okay bye.
*everybody celebrates* LOL
- Mine and Alex's 'repeating our past' conversation.
- Mad D&M with Alex and Ricky, which teared me up a tad.
- Going through SO. MANY. SMOKES. The smokers started to get paranoid as each deck was wasted. Us social smokers didn't care =) LOLOL
- *Ketchupz drops smokes into spa* OH FUCK I'M SUCH A DICK I'M SO FUCKING SORRY *smashes head on spa wall* :| HAHAHAHAHA
- Trying to fall asleep. Alex and Endy won't stfu.
- 1pm, I wake up and those faggots are still asleep. Brittany rings up, so Alex then wakes up haha.
- Trekking it a whole 2 mins down the road to GV Maccas IN THE FUCKING 40 DEGREE HEAT.
- Being mad Maccas junkies with Britt.
- Alex: Oh look it's a gnome.. *Ivana goes steals it and hides it up shirt* LMAOOO
- Ivana: Hey Matt look what I got *whips out gnome* HAHAHA
- THIS JUST REMINDED ME OF SUSAN OR MIKAELA TELLING ME THAT THEIR MATE GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD FOR GNOMING. LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
- Jess, Joanna, Sarah and I at McDonalds, chilling with our mochas... Jess says "Look who's coming", turn around to see Matt walking towards us LOL WHUT?
- Ellie: Man Alice Cooper is such an ugly chick... Everyone: HE'S A GUY!!!!
- D&Ms with Jess, Joanna and Sarah! :D
- Driving out to some creepy national park where Matt's sister was on camp.. serious Wolf Creek shit right there.
- "*insert name here* is a lesbian WAIT WHUT?!"
- The drive with Russo and Matt.
Russo: You speed-aholic slow down!
Ivana: Yeah Matt, you'll get pulled over
Russo: DON'T SAY THAT SHIT, THEN HE REALLY WILL GET PULLED OVER
*about ten minutes later, while racing an alfa, both cars brake abruptly as an undercover coppa is booking* HAHAHAHAHA
- Continuing on. Russo making Endy chuck multiple u-ies just so he can tell some jogging chicks that they're gorgeous. LMFAO!
- The shit in the lunchbox story. LMFAO.
- *sits next to Russo* "I think my ear drums are busted" HAHA.
- *talking about some 15 y.o. maccas chick* Ivana: FUCK YOUS ARE BOTH FUCKING PEDOFILES. HOW LOW ARE YOUR STANDARDS? (:
- Ricky gave me green hair.
- "Susan has firm breasts, I think you should see for yourself Alex ;)" haha!
- Mikaela: Cutest. Drunk. Ever. hahaha!
- Russo: What you doing in uni?
Ivana: Law and communications (:
Russo: OH HELLO LET'S GET MARRIED!
- Making jelly shots (:
- Jeremy rocking up with like.. a carload of people LOL!
- Alex's skort. HAHAHAHAHA
- Alex: Go on and give those chocolate nipples a lick Ivana.. *referring to Endy's hairy nipples* :| LOLOLOL
- Let's not continue on about nipples. :)
- Blasting the music in the wee hours of the morning. Singing like retards, with dances to match.
- HILLBILLY SHOWDOWN! "Was that a fight? *takes shot*" "No Ivana.. that was NOT a fight.."
- Everybody: Ivana stop drinking you're already fucking smashed. LMAO!
- Joanna: SHUTUP I WANNA HEAR THE STORY LINE, I WANNA KNOW WHY HE DIDN'T GET A CHRISTMAS PRESENT!
- Endy was fucking smashed. Enough said. :)
- DRUNKEN MACCAS RUN. Worst 30 second drive of my life, with a drunken Endy behind the wheel. THE FUCKWIT MANAGER DIDN'T PUT IN MY CHIPS, FUCK YOU HINCHO MACCAS, FUCK YOU!
- Alex and Ricky spoke about fireworks, little did we know.. Endy has fireworks. It begins. Sitting in the yard, letting off fireworks. :D Mind you, this was like.. 3am haha.
- Joanna: OH FUCK THE NEIGHBOURS *everyone runs inside*
- "THERE'S SOMEBODY IN THE BACKYARD!!!!!!!!!!!" *everyone runs into the living room*
- Endy: OH FUCK THEY HAVE A GUN!!!!!!!!! *everybody drops onto the floor* LMFAOOO
- Endy and Alex on patrol, while we all shit bricks or laugh on the floor. Jess wanting to msg her mum goodbye, Joanna and Ricky laughing.
- It's not a Green Valley party without a gun threat.
- Ricky: Why do people in Green Valley have guns? Green Valley is such a nice suburb.
Everyone: uhh... LMFAO
- Alex was spewy champ of the evening. Full clogged the sink and everything.
- Even though we are all pretty much in lockdown and some crazy Arabs could go shoot us.. Endy goes out for a cigarette. -_- LOL
- The sun comes up, it's safe, back in the spa. LOL
- In an attempt to freak Ricky out, I pulled down my bra straps and put a towel around me to fake being naked, and went to wake him up. It didn't work. :(
- The neighbours bitching about the fireworks LOUD ENOUGH so we could hear. LMFAO
- Mum picks me up, sees my hair, chucks a spaz. :)
- *Mum ranting and shit, I've fallen asleep* "Looks like you got no sleep last night." no shit sherlock lol. She made me schnitzel though :)
- Woke up at 7.30pm STILL with a mad hangover.

So pretty much, we are super awesome :)

"Ivana is so loud, you can hear her silence"

So ladies and bitches, I returned home yesterday at approx 11.30am =) Longest bus ride ever. Then following that, a train to Blacktown and a bus to the croft. Phew. So over public transport atm haha!

I jumped onto Facebook after I had a longgggg and refreshing showerrrr (TWAS AWESOME =D) and as I was aimlessly browsing, I saw status' that are quite sweet. Such as the wankers saying they miss me, Benita and Endy admitting that life is boring without me, and everybody asking when I'm back bcos they miss me hahahaha. Jezoooz christ, I didn't think I would be missed at all hahaha!

Well, as Ricky put it when I saw him "Oh god she's being a caveman, welcome back everyone" and "We just didn't miss your loudness" WHICH I'M PRETTY SURE YOU DID ANYWAY ;)!

So friday arvo was ment to be reserved for Mista Endy, until he wasn't allowed out due to relos from Serbialand (I just recalled the time Ryan said the word 'serbia' sounded like pghlem HAHAHAHAHAH) so then I met up with Mista Ricky and Miss Brontaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! :) Went and bought myself a bunch of flowers from the Valley Plaza (god how I missed that derro shithole HAHA) and off we went to Pinegrove, to see Nelson :)

I didn't anticipate that I would actually hold up alright, but I was glad I had Ricky and Bronte with me anyway. It was so surreal seeing the grave, when I'm so used to seeing him either at work, or at gigs, stockies or wherever.. I'm just still in that mindframe thinking that he's alive. Me and Alex discussed this when I drove him home last night, and it's just such a tragedy that he did what he did, because so many people have been touched and are in shock and whatnot.

So then we left Pinegrove, making sure Nelson and the others sleeping there knew we were there by beeping, and made our way back to Bonnyrigg Maccas to visit Alex at work! DENITA HAD WORK TOO =D I was like AWW WOOOO I MISSED YA and she was all like IMISSEDYOUTOOO!! and it was sweet :) LOL @ ALEX WITH HIS PONYTAIL AHAHAHAHAHA his work made him tie up his mullet-esque hair :P HAHAHAHAHAHAHA pics? Maybe later. CBF now. :)

Endy then invited us over for a swim, cue me grossing out Ricky in the middle of Maccas with my "oh fuck I just remembered I have my rags" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA so plans were made to pick up Alex from work, while Bronte and Ricky had dinner at their houses, and James would swing by after karate :)

Chilled in the side street for a bit, just catching up on all the lost time with Matt by being the usual wankers and idiots hahahaha. Him dirty talking my mothers shitbox car, and calling up people to invite them over. WE ALWAYS GET NINA AT THE WORST OF TIMES! Either when she's asleep or at a gig or something.. BUT THIS TIME, SHE WAS IN HOSPITAL AFTER HAVING HER TONSILS REMOVED! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what idiots -_-"

Off to Bonno to get Alex, and while Alex was getting two soft serves "I GET 50% DISCOUNT =D" I had to trek into Subway to order Matt food BECAUSE THE DERRO NEVER WEARS SHOES, a true blue Green Valley-er HAHAHAHAHAH! So I make him text me what he wants so I don't forget, but he forgot to mention if he wants it toasted or how many inches or if he wants sauce, so I would always have to run back out and be like DO YOU WANT 6 OR A FOOT LONGGGGGG, until I realised I'm holding a phone. HAHAHA! So after that mission, Endy went home and got Ricky while I took Alex to get his swim gear, this is when Alex shat his pants and his life flashed before his eyes because I veered onto the side of the road and almost hit a parked van LOLOLOLOL

AND THEN Joanna and Jess notify me of their whereabouts, at GV MACCAS! So I went to see them, but they weren't there. Go back, and they call Ricky saying they're at the St George ATM, so I went back, they're not there, ring them up and they're now at maccas -_-" HAHA! Drove past looking into the store, I see them, so I park. Then some eshlad lebos approached the car going WAS YOUR FRIEND EYING US DOWN?!?!?! And I was like "Nah man we were looking inside for our mates" and they full made Alex and Ricky wind down their windows, but with Alex's words, they left us alone. We experienced a verbal eshlad escape, AND ENDY WAS TOO BUSY TALKING TO WORKMATES TO EVEN NOTICE!

Chilled with Joanna and Jess, then invited them back to Endy's cribbbbbbbbb. Ricky the douchebag wasn't going to swim... but then
*Ricky walks into backyard* OMG YOU HAVE A SIQ POOL! I AM SO SWIMMING NOW.
So what happens? Endy lends him a pair of boardshorts; Ricky "IT'S TIGHT IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES" and I had to drive Ricky home so he could get a shirt to swim in LMAO. Fuck I'm back for one night and I'm already back to being a taxi driver. Us ladies (minus Bronte) didn't swim, so we caught up with whats been happening while I was away :) Ricky pushes poor Bronte into the pool, meaning she had to go home to get clothes, and I had to pick them up from James' as James wanted to drink -_- jezoooooz!

Endy points out a rock formation at his pool which is ment to be a waterfall thingy and says its my new caveman cave. I went to explore it =) IT WAS A FUCKING MISSION, I WAS WEARING A FUCKING SKIRT LOL. So while I was stuck up on the rocks, what does the lovely Matt do? DOUSE ME WITH A BUCKET OF POOL WATER -_-" EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. I GO TO YOUR HOUSE, I LEAVE WET. HAHAHAHAH.
I think Alex said "he's being hospitable" and Endy was making suggestive faces when I said that bahaha.

LOL @ me stealing Ricky's smokes for Joanna and Jess, but by then, everyone was now taking his smokes hahaha. That smoking area bought many lols with it. Like James pulling out the lawn mower and making BRRROOOOM noises, Endy and his 'rug', Alex asking me to lick the rug so he could call me a rug muncher, Endy rubbing the rug up on me (as I needed something to dry myself with? LOL) oh and James' unco peeing. God I love James when hes drunk OFF 3 DRINKS. LMFAOHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh yeah it was about this time I called Endy magical, because he convinced my mum to let me stay longer than 11 HAHAHAHAHAH! :) yaaaay.

Many more happened this random night, but I cannot quite recall right now :) Overall, it was a pretty sweet night :) Loved catching up with everybody, loved being wankers with the wankers, and many more nights like this are coming up with the absence of parents ;) haha!

We discussed what it is to be a wanker, and figured out who is truly a part of the wanker crew, and who are 'co-wankers' LOL. James got a TWK sticker on his car, I'm gunna follow once Matty is fixed (whenever that is), and so is Endy bahaha.
so to sum up..


I TOTES MISSED THE WANKERS <3 <3 HAHAHAHAHA and it's true. Life is boring without me. If it wasn't for me coming back, this pool thing would not have happened :) hahaha! JESS AND JON ARE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! whom I missed too. AND DENITA, AND BENITA WHO I HAVEN'T SEEN YET BUT HOPEFULLY ON SUNDAY!!!

Moving onto other news, I GOT ACCEPTED INTO UNI! =D Doing a bachelor of law and communications at UWS. Adding units and trying to sort out the timetable is a bitch, because the timetable is so chockablock, but I have it kinda sorted out :) Penrith on Monday and Tuesdays for the communications, Parramatta on Wednesday and Thursdays for the law :) Leaving friday off, squeezing in work in the arvos :)

Indeed life shall be hectic.

And with that, I bid thee loyal readers fare-thee-well x
I mean.. over and out. LOL

Life is what you make of it.

So this is my first post for the new year.
2009 was, in some ways, a good year. It did bring good times, new friends, tighter friendships, awesome opportunities. However 2009 was mostly crap. Drama, heartbreak and losing friends. And as if that wasn't enough, I experienced two deaths in a row at the end of 2009. First Nelson, then two days later, my Deda (Grandfather) :(

So you can imagine my excitement for the new year.

2010 is going to be a much more challenging year, I can guarantee it. But I'm up to the challenge.

Not to sound cliched, but this really is going to be a year of change. I mean, I'm fresh out of high school, and waiting for an acceptance into university. Going to uni is a massive change! I cannot wait :) Whether it be UNSW or UMAQ, or even UWS much closer to home, either way it's an exciting new stage of my life.

Another exciting thing about 2010, I turn 18! Yep yep. It's the age to be, and the age I've been busting to be for about two years now LOL. It seems a while off, 6 months, but you know what? 2009 flew by oh so quickly, so I'm confident time will do the same until June :) What to do when 18? Totes gunna hit up Hot Damn, Trash, Chinese Laundry and IVY! Only cos it's similar to my name ;)

OHHMYYYGODDDD I love annoying Zomaya on Facebook <333 it's the best!
and I love when Matthew Dragoslav gets involved, it makes me literally rofl at my computer. I love these guyssss !

Anyway I am going to close off this blog with a promise. In the words of Nelson, life is what you make of it, and I'm going to make many good memories and live life to the fullest in 2010. That I promise.