Clearly I fail in the art of seduction.

Because no matter what, I always end up becoming their "friend", and never their girlfriend.





Fuck life, seriously. What the fuck is wrong with me?
How can I be too nice?
Okay next time some hot guy speaks to me, I'm going to be a total cold bitch, since I now know THAT is what gets them coming back for more.

How did I not pick this up earlier? How is it that it's taken me at least FOUR years of failed attempts... and I only learn this key mistake NOW?
Wow. At least I know now why NOTHING has worked out for me in that long time period.

You know you suck when at least 60% of your male friends are just former crushes that never worked out because they only saw you as a good friend, and they didn't want to ruin the friendship.

And at least 50% of those male friends had lead you on the entire time...

I know that feeling of rejection all too well. Your ribcage, empty, because your hearts fallen so deep into your intestines already. Your stomach, crawling out your throat, while your throat tries to push it back down by tightening up. All the while you break yourself down, critisising everything that represents who you are. Denying yourself. Wishing you were someone else. Wishing you could act differently. Wishing you looked prettier. Just because clearly the person you are right now, isn't the person that the one person you want.. wants you to be.

Then you build yourself up again over time. Then you meet someone else. You convince yourself, that they're different, they won't treat you the same, they MIGHT.. THEY JUST MIGHT.. OH I don't know? RETURN SOME FEELINGS?

Never.

It's always the fucking same.

And you fuckwit men wonder why girls are so cynical?

I should just become a man. Find a guy for a night, hook up with him, lead him on, then tell him you just never felt the same.

That would be awesome.. for that to not happen to me for once.

All you ask for is a chance, and they can't even promise you that. It really gets you doubting yourself as a person. Sure, my self esteem is usually through the roof.. I usually love myself and talk myself up so much.

But not right now. I wish I could be anyone in the world but me.
Maybe that way, there could have been a way we could be together.