Peppermint tea

Mood: Poignant
Music: One More Night - Cascada (DON'T LAUGH AT MEEEEEE)
Craving: Salt and vinegar chips

One more night, I wanna be with you
Where I wanna hold you tight
It feels so right
Tonight, I'll leave it up to you
and I think the time is right to stop the fight

While watching How I Met Your Mother, this ad came on for drug awareness.
It was on weed.. and it had scenarios where people were not acting their normal selves, not performing how they should ect ect
And with their mates standing around saying stuff like "I never thought he'd get this into it" and "She's changed, I don't know who she is anymore".
Well it's a real massive shame, but I can actually relate to situations like that. I don't condone drugs, and I don't care if people believe marijuana isn't a real drug.. it fucking is. Smoking gives you lung cancer, alcohol gives you liver damage, and marijuana fucks with your mental state. That is the truth, if you all want to be disillusioned teen faggots who think you are so invincible and that it won't have any effect on you.. fine. Your loss when you're 30 years old and living within white walls and a straight jacket.

Eurrghh, I just ate a really off grape. It tastes like fucking wine. Now this has broken my creative flow. I must now regain it.

I ducked out for the last 5 mins of HIMYM to make myself a warm cup of peppermint tea, to accompany while I watch Scrubs. I love the cooler months, it gives me the best excuse to overdose on tea. Camomile, peppermint, rosehip.. yummmmmmmmm. Now I want another cup of tea! When you grow up in a wog household, the above flavours of tea are the essential necessities in a household. None of this Breakfast tea shit.. it's all herbal maaaaaaaaate =) Now I sound like a stoner, which kind of contradicts my prior rant on drugs, but oh well. You all know I'm clean.. at least on drugs and cigarettes anyway ;)

Now as for my mood of poignant.. well, it's undeniable I've been a sad sack of shit these past two or so months. All I do these days is just replay the situation in my mind, I do not think of anything else. The only time I won't think about it, is when I preoccupy my mind elsewhere. So I find my sanctuary in my studies and when I'm out with my friends. But even then my damned mind can wonder. After yet another girl on girl analytical session, I've realised that this has gone on too long. It is now May, and I'm STILL suffering from February's misfortunes. It's so easy to realise that, but it's so much harder to actually do something about it. Which is why this poignancy (I don't even think this is a word) is around, it's more than crystal clear that that occurence has disrupted my way of thinking and even my personality to a degree.. but now I'm just struggling to get out of this rut. I want out, so so badly.

But I can't seem to find any possible means of escape. We tried talking and pretending nothing had happened, but that obviously didn't work. The pain was there, and too impossible to ignore, as was my dislike for his girlfriend. I'm currently trying to go cold turkey off him, and all it's done is made me think about him more. If there was some sort of brain surgery where you could erase the memory of meeting someone, would I take it? No, because obviously that is stupid and would stuff up the present, who knows, I could be worse off today had I not known him. Or I could have been better..
damn my thoughts to hell. This is why I need to get out of my rut, but I still haven't found that first step which will take me out.

This has happened to me before, but the second time should be so much easier. Why is it harder?

Moving on, I just noticed a particular photo on my wall. It's from the 2007 Athletics carnival. In the photo is me, Benita and Viet, with Zac wearing any sporting house prop he could find, with a sign saying 'normal people scare me'. This has actually triggered many memories of that day almost two years ago. I remember Zac getting off the bus and realising he left his sign in the bus, so me and him went to the library, got scrap paper, taped it together into a big poster and made a new sign. I remember laughing at his shitty haircut, and he hated it so much, he wore a Polding pirate hat+wig all day. He wore Turner's fairywings and tutu aswell. And who knows what else.Exhibit A: The actual photo

And, my gosh, how young do we all look. Benita still had her braces back then I think, because she isn't doing that big smile she does now. Viet.. well, Viet still looks as asian as ever, but she also looks like a 10 year old. It appears Zac is sticking out his jaw in this photo, and we all know who he looks like when he does that.. (for those who don't know, he looks like a certain Mr Cullen when he does that.. and sorry, he has a girlfriend). And me, oh gosh look at me. I had my mullet, and that necklace I'm wearing appears to be my 'Bullet bullet' as I used to call it. No really, its a bullet which says Bullet For My Valentine on it. Got it for $33 at Utopia.. RIIIIIIIIIIP! But hey, that's what people do when they're a faggy 14/15 y.o and think they're so mad and hip and down with the scene. It's a shame.. some are STILL like that.

But it's fun watching today's batch of 14/15 y.o's and laughing at them :) Silly girls.
Heard some pre teen losers at Aaron's pissup were fingering each other.. now that is just the grossest and most attention seeking thing I have heard of. Please get off MySpace and get a life.

Over and out :)