If there was a lesson to be learnt, it's that I deserve way better than you.

Mood: Not as lazy as yesterday
Music: Love Game - Lady Gaga
Craving: Oreos smothered in Nutella

Another day stuck at home without being able to do anything fun due to the looming Society and Culture essays. Damn you school, you ruin my social life.

Anyway these past two days at home have made me realise something. Day time TV is enlightening. During my 2 hour study session, I was in earshot of Dr Phil rattling on about saving relationships and Oprah consoling a fat twin who is always being riddiculed by her thin twin. So now not only do I know about equality and difference of groups in society, but I now know how to end an arguement with a partner properly and can empathise with fat people being riddiculed. Hence, day time TV is enlightening.

Studying also tires out my brain, and as a result, makes me hungry. I know you're probably thinking how the fuck does that work, but trust me, it does.

Studying is also a wonderful distraction from the bad thoughts I've been having lately. Fuck that makes me sound suicidal. Lemme rephrase that. The 'bad thoughts' are the shit in my life just being constantly replayed, you know.. the guy problems. Whenever this happens to me, I just go from having an overflowing abundance of self esteem to having a self esteem drought. These droughts are fluctuating too, I never know how long they can last. A year, months, weeks.. it varies. Like a real drought, my esteem drought can only be broken in the perfect conditions. When there is constant heavy rain in an area of drought, it is broken. When I am able to put everything behind me, with the knowlegde that the other person is willing to help, then my drought is broken. Though in this case, I'm not too sure if the other person even cares about my feelings of low worth.. he's probably too consumed with his stupid girlfriend to know how hurt I am.

And the last thing study made me realise was this: I deserve dignity.
Of course this is because I was studying our case study being women, it's not like this enlightenment came about studying Physics or something. From all these happenings, I've lost all my dignity. It's not common for me to go around 'hooking up' with random dudes. I see it only fit when it's with somebody you like. So for this to happen, after everything else that happened.. I think it's safe to say I feel absolutely used. It's also made me lose all my faith in all guys. Now I'm inclined to believe that all men only want one thing, and because I didn't give it up, he's gone.

If any guys read this and feel offended, I'm sorry, but hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Deal with it.

Okay that's enough for today, I'm fucking hungry.
Over and out.