"The only thing worse than Ivana's voice, is Ivana's voice echoing"

Mood: Freakin shit
Music: Diamonds Aren't Forever - BMTH
Craving: This feeling of low self worth which I've had for almost 2 months to piss off..

I hate dreaming.
They usually come true, not literally, but metaphorically.
For example, I had this dream that somebody I loved was 'dying' and it was my responsibility to save them but I couldn't. This was about 3 months ago.
A few weeks after that dream, was when everything started to hit the fan and turn shit.
Then since then, that person isn't in my life anymore. Hence they 'died'.
:(
There are so many things I could say right now.. but how can I when that person probably wants nothing to do with me anymore?
I'm not one to fight with a friend, and no matter what happened, you were still my friend. And those things I said, yeah I was upset, but it just upset you too. Which is stupid. Contrary to what you may be lead to believe, this still plagues me everyday ever since I found out. I recount any past events trying to see what I did to fuck up and where I fucked up.. but I haven't found such enlightenment yet. I acted out in bad ways, god I know that, but I just didn't know how to cope. I still don't know how to cope. But I know how not to cope, and that is a starting point at least. I'm not going to be sorry for the way I feel though as a result of your actions, who in their right mind would apologise to somebody who hurt them for feeling depressed/pissed off/low? It's going to be a long and tough road, and having a friendship in such conditions is extremely difficult. So I'm not going to ask for it back, though that is what I really want. That can come in its own time in better conditions. Really the bottom line is; I fucked up, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry it had to come to this, I'm sorry I wasn't as supportive as I couldv'e been.. I'm just sorry. All I ask for now is your forgiveness, the closure to this annoying and painful chapter of the year (I had really hoped the only one of those would've been the HSC chapter).. I just want to end this riddiculous fighting/whatever it is.
God I just hope you read this. With the minor amount of hope that hasn't died, I hope it's read by the right eyes and digested properly and acted upon properly.
(NB: Yes I know this totally goes against what I've said before, but those were just anger fuelled.. this is fuelled by logic)

Onto a lighter note, Rachael, thank you for a mad party last night :)
Karaoke-ing, hide and go seek-ing and murder in the dark-ing.. all on acres.. FLIPPIN AWESOME!
I had the uhh.. priveledge.. of being photographer to Liana and Lauren while they were luvo-ing.. it was fun LOL
Seeing (and missing out on seeing) shooting stars.. OH THEN SEEING THAT FIRE IN THE DISTANCE!
Luvos on Garzo's car ROFL poor car.. haha
Just being general idiots.. the way I like it :)

So that was Friday night... THEN SATURDAY MORNING AT 7AM I HAD WORK ZOMGGGG :| I died. I was sooo tired and I was sick of getting smashed all day stupid fucking people who wanna eat Maccas.. I was so glad to get the hell out of there at 2 o clock. I am NEVER taking a morning/day shift ever again. A night crew shouldn't ever cross over LOL

And now I have nothing to do on a Saturday night.. how lame.
Maybe I should start Islamic sexual ethics... - _ - gay gay GAY!
Oh well.. over and out. :)